His or hearse?

I saw the strangest thing yesterday as I was driving back from university.

I pulled out of the carpark, and there at the lights in front of me was a hearse with a coffin in it. Damn, I thought uncharitably, I’m going to be stuck behind a blasted hearse…of course it is completely inappropriate to overtake in a Moggy Thou let alone overtake a hearse, tractors I will overtake with no hesitation, but I do grip the steering wheel tightly, but then you can’t be blighted by destiny or fate if you overtake a tractor. I think. You could only be blighted by slurry.

The lights turned green and the hearse took off like a rocket! It bumped over the junction, whizzed to the ramp thing and disappeared over that with a cloud of smoke. I kid you not. I was astounded, how odd. Then I realised that there were no cars, occupied by the deceased grieving relatives, accompanying the hearse. Hmm.

I continued home driving in a more sensible and sedate fashion (honest). A mile down the road and I was behind the same hearse again at some more traffic lights. The lights turned green and off the hearse shot getting up to a good 40 mph in a 30mph road. Bloody hell, perhaps it had joyriders in it. In the interests of public safety I caught up with the hearse and could see a young lad in a suit in the passenger seat and an elderly white haired gent in the drivers seat. Peculiar. Perhaps they were just picking up a new coffin from Coffins R Us? But no, the coffin had a very small bouquet of white roses that must have been stuck down with No Nails because it was still attached securely despite all that ker-azy driving.

My conclusion is that a) the undertaker was on his way to the relatives house in a hurry because he was late, where after collecting the rest of the cavalcade he would proceed to drive at 20 mph because that is what they have paid for or b) the deceased had no family or friends so therefore nobody to complain, because obviously the deceased couldn’t could he, or she?

So this got me thinking. Do they speed from one funeral to another so they can fit more funerals in on a daily basis? Or was the hearse brand new and the driver wanted to see what the bitch could do? Like I said, odd.

So here is my advice: make sure you are nice to people in your life, that way you will have lots of people at your funeral, that way you can spare someone to follow you on the journery taken from funeral parlour to home, so when you enter the next world you won’t have your head caved in by boy-racer undertakers.

You see this is why I won Best Panty Blog - it isn’t all about panties, it’s about philosophical things too.