Ass attitude

Isn’t it funny how we end up loving the parts that we used to hate? I was reading Fetish Kitten’s blog this morning and started to type a comment in response but realised it was getting WAAAAY big so I thought I’d just pinch her original idea and continue it on my blog.

I used to detest my bum. When I was 9 I was ridiculed by a boy, he said I had a big bum just like my mum. I was very self-conscious about my derriere from that day on (even though it must have been tiny - I was 9 for crissakes!).

Through my teenage years my bum developed into the more rounded shape that it is now, puberty you know. Even when I was slimmer then I always had a biggish bum in comparison. The boys loved it though, I was voted Best Bum in 5th year but I still wanted a little bum like all my friends. I wanted to wear jeans without attracting the unwanted attention (I was felt up from the age of 12, possibly because I was so tall and appeared older, possibly because the sick bastards were perverted paedophiles).

Boyfriends came and went but they all agreed on one thing, if I want to lose weight or whatever then fine - BUT DON’T LOSE THE BUM. If I went out clubbing I always, without fail, every night was either groped, slapped or stroked on my bum. Clearly the guys liked it but I wanted a smaller bum that would fit into slimmer jeans. Was I influenced by the magazines and the TV? Of course I was. What I didn’t know then but I know now is that catwalk models and editorial models are often only 14, some are as young as 12. These girls are pre-pubescent. They are children. Why do fully developed women want to, or feel pressured to, look like 12 year old children??

As I got older and more comfortable with my sexuality I realised that a might have a big bum but it has shape. It is sexual. It is female. Did you know that big bums, as well as being a fat store for having healthy babies, is also a ballast for big breasts? I cringe at slimmer sylph like women who have bloody great bags of plastic shoved into their chests. Look at Paris Hilton - a gazelle like body that she has modified so she know looks like the stereo-typical blonde haired, big breasted, vacant eyed, empty headed bimbo. What saddens me greatly is that our little girls think that boyish hips and jumbo jugs are desirable and normal. Nothing normal about that … bleurgh…identikit Barbie dolls who have no originality about them.

Back to my bum. So as Kez said in her blog today; sometimes you come to love the part about you that you had always disliked. You realise that what makes you different from the rest CAN be celebrated, sometimes it is preceisely what other people love and wish they had. Some of my slimmer hipped friends would bemoan that they didn’t have my curves. I love my bum now. I’ve come to terms with it and I enjoy having a big round bum. I’m lucky because although it is big it isn’t flat and square.

Silly bitches and little boys sometimes call me Lardarse because they think I should be ashamed of it. Why be ashamed of something that is being celebrated more and more in our culture? Think Beyoncé, think J-Lo. Did you know that some women are now getting bum implants to lend them some shape. You can also get panties and jeans that lift and seperate the cheeks to make them more pert?  Black women have always had a positive ass attitude and they revel in their sexuality, I admire their positive booty attitudes. Black guys too love and prefer a more curvaceous shape, as one black guy said to me ‘You’ve got a black woman’s ass, it’s pert and it is firm woman!‘

Blimey even Freddie Mercury, a gay guy, sang ‘Big-bottomed Girls‘.

So to everyone who has ever called me Lardarse or similar:

BEST BUTT 2006

Suck on that and kiss it

and thanks again to everyone who voted for me XXX